I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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