I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
