I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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