The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize