I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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