You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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