No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
