Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
