So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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