The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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