I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize