I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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