hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
