I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
