Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
