If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
