Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So squirting runs in the family.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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