Duck Duck Cougar?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
