Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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