just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
