You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
