Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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