I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
