I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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