nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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