My room smells like vodka and shame
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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