We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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