Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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