I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
