I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
