his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
