Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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