im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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