Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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