i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize