A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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