I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
