Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
