Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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