youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
