What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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