he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
