i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
