I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
