We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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