I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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