I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
