Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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