Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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