Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
