then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
