i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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