I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
