just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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